I feel hollow inside except for the pain. This happens every once in a while. Everything in my life seems to go wrong. People who I thought were my friends, are not, and things I depended upon before are no longer available to me. So I am in the dark.
I was talking with a good friend of mine about it, and she suggested, quite softly, that it was worth looking at my part of it. So I have been, and I see a pattern and it makes me feel like a lot of the work I do is for naught. All the internal work, all the energy work, all the therapy, it looks like it hasn't been working. I mean, I know it has, it just looks like it hasn't.
Then I realize that these are just lessons. The people I attract into my life are my teachers, and the situations I am supposed to work my way out of are all teaching me. Maybe these lessons are more painful because more and more, they are teaching me to not depend on others as much as I do. But that could be the pain talking.
Anyway, the one thing I know, thank goodness, is that I am not going to beat myself up about it. I am just going to make choices that don't open me up to this kind of pain. Maybe choose differently. I don't know. I will know better once I work my way out.
For now I am just going to feel it, and that is okay.
This shit is depressing. Don't share unless you feel like it is helpful.
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