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What Other People Think

9/22/2017

When I was in my late teens, I used to stare from my car, at people in their cars, trying to make eye contact. It blew my mind that there were other people in the world that had as many thoughts going through their heads as I did, who worried and laughed and worked and had a whole life which for moments at a time came in to such close proximity to mine without noticeably affecting it.

It is something I think about a lot now. Now, I walk up to strangers on the street and I talk with them. I have given myself the opportunity to talk with people I would never have approached otherwise. It has opened the world to me in ways I would not have predicted.

I recently received an email from someone to whom I gave a sticker in Colorado. He sent me an email to thank me for approaching and talking with him because he said most people are physically intimidated by him, though he would not hurt a fly.

Imagine that. I guess I don't have to. I have been told that I am intimidating. I don't always mean to be, I could not imagine someone being intimidated by a small woman like myself, yet, it has happened and I have been told that in many different situations, I am a bit off-putting, maybe even scary.

But I have come to something quite stunning. The other day, as I approached a woman, she yelled at me. She told me to stay away from her. In that moment, I had the thought that I could never get as close to another as I could allow myself to get to me. That probably sounds nonsensical. In fact, I am not sure I understand it completely, but in all my interactions with strangers, I have come to see that I am only able to do as much for another as I can for myself, and in some cases, it's not much, especially when I am diminishing the potency of my contribution.

So I think on this. I think that in every moment, I have the opportunity to grow through my interactions with other people, and depending on how I feel about myself in that moment, I can either get more than I could have ever dreamed, or nothing at all.

It is all up to me in every moment.

While that is comforting in a way, it is also quite a lot of pressure.

This is me trying to figure out what I think. I am just short of realizing my potential in so many moments...as if it is out there beyond my fingertips. Want to know what I am talking about? Go to A Love Rebellion! It is a social engagement project I am doing for the next three week. I have been doing it all summer and some wonderful things have come of it.

Share, like, tweet....if you feel the need or wanna help me out.

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What I Can Control

9/16/2017

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I gave up a long time ago. Well, not that long. Actually, I still struggle with it. My need for control, that is.
Funny thing that, as I grew up with The Serenity Prayer echoing in my ears:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.

My mother, an addict of many substances, was consistently repeating this phrase and buying cheap posters, key chains and magnets with this prayer on it. The irony is that back then, if you had asked what one thing I would change if I could, I would have said my mother. My mother was and always has been one of the most eratic people I have ever known. I mean, now that she is dead, she is much more consistent, but at the time, that prayer always struck me as curiously hypocritical falling from her lips.

So it was many years until I actually came to the realization that there was very little in life that I could control, and many years later until I was able to actually stop trying. In fact, I would say it has been several months since I let that go. I'm 48. Just about.

So in a few weeks, I am giving a talk on The Legacy of You, "Taking Back Control." It feels a little bit like a set-up. Not in a bad way, it feels like more like a test. Like all my life has been building up to this moment, and this is like the final exam. Well, maybe not final. But a big one.

All my life has been constant change. When I was young, so many step parents, step brothers, step sisters in and out of my life, then later, partners, jobs, locations, projects. I have come to thrive on change. If I'm being honest, the stimulation of the new was always a great way to distract me from the pain. Maybe it was my own form of addiction, the stimulant of adjustment.

I don't know if I can be still. I don't know if I want to be still. I am not sure if letting go of the stimulation of constant change would be taking contol, or releasing it.

The thought of it scares me. At this point, it is the only thing that does.

Does change scare you? Or does stillness?
At any rate, in approximately three weeks, A Love Rebellion will come to a close, and I sure could use some help getting to the finish line. If you can spare it, please consider making a small donation. It is easy. All you have to do is Paypal any amount, no matter how small to young.spike@gmail.com.
It will help immensely. Thank you so much!
And don't forget to SHARE.

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A More Kind Society

9/9/2017

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We destroy ourselves.

When I was 18 or 19, I had a bad habit of getting drunk, going into college bars, finding the best looking guy in there, walking up to him, and punching him in the face. I was an angry young woman then, but luckily, I grew past that anger and developed into a pretty decent human being. For the most part.

We destroy ourselves.

Recently there was a GINORMOUS fire in the Columbia River Gorge. Actually, I believe it is still going. It was started by a teenager who evidently thought it would be fun to throw a fire cracker into the very dry woods.

We destroy ourselves. This is what we are taught. Yes, I was throwing punches at handsome men, and yes, this boy threw the firecracker into the woods, but while it looks like our destruction is external, it is nothing more or less than what we do to ourselves every day.

Once I realized I was destroying myself, I had to take a lot of time to look at why. I saw the ways I judged, hated, and beat up on myself because I was not trying. Or, I was trying too hard at things I didn't care about. I wasn't listening to my heart. I didn't even respect my heart.

There are a lot of people beating up on this young man, whose brain is still not fully developed. This young man who was raised in a destructive society, who was most likely raised to be tough, maybe ignore his feelings. I don't know. I don't know him. But I do know that when people act like this it is a symptom of a broken society, and instead of punishing the boy, which would do nothing to rehabilitate him, we might focus on fixing the society where this could happen.

I have been traveling all over the US this summer with my social engagement project, A Love Rebellion. I have met and spoken with strangers all over the country, and the overwhelming reaction I get is, "thank you, I needed this."

We all need this. We all need a society built on compassion, grounded in kindness, and based on community. We do not have that now. Our society justifies all endeavors through financial gain. This is clearly putting humans all over the world in a precarious position, and at some point, we are either going to have to completely change the way we treat ourselves and each other, or, we are going to destroy ourselves and this world in our pursuit of more and more.

It is pretty simple. But it is not easy.

But if we don't try, whatever we can do, we will destroy ourselves.

So...what are you willing to do? What can you do to be kinder to yourself? How can you change the way you do things so that you are more compassionate with your own heart? This is the best place to start. Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with love. Respect yourself. It will make it that much easier to do that with the people and world around you.
Also....check out A Love Rebellion. It is getting really great. I am becoming better and better and complimenting strangers and giving them love.

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Beauty is Not about the Ugly.

9/3/2017

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"Did I ever tell ya that this here jacket represents a symbol of individuality, and my belief in personal freedom?"
"About fifty thousand times."

This exchange between Sailor and Lula from the movie Wild at Heart has stuck with me. I was but twenty years old when I watched this movie for the first time in the theater, so I only had an inkling of the pivotal role it would play in shaping my perspective over the course of my life, but several times a month at least, I think back to this quote and feel as if Sailor is speaking directly to me, and maybe, hopefully, about me.

It was at this time, over twenty five years ago, that I realized what, or rather how I wanted to be. This line, along with a variety of other experiences and events pointed me in the direction of adventure, freedom, and independence. It was a line that would help me see popular culture as an option, not a requirement. A line that would encourage me to be me withhout apology.

As such, I aged being less and less concerned with mainstream culture as time went on, and more and more concerned with knowing and expressing myself. I became more comfortable with questioning conformity and my relationship to it. There have been times during my life that I have raged against our corporate culture, engaged angrily in debate over the maneuverings of the patriarchy, and threatened destruction to the social norms that keep so many enslaved. But I have now come to see that those reactions might have wasted my energy just a bit, because the truth is, none of those things are about me. I am free from the belief that I must be like everyone else in order to thrive.

This is also how I have come to see beauty. If something is truly beautiful to me, it inspires that feeling. If something is truly beautiful, it must be beautiful on a level that opens me up, reaches into me, and warms my soul. True beauty is inspiring, not demeaning, not oppressive. True beauty is joy, glory, an expression of the human experience.

As long as I remember this, it is easy for me to reject things without judgment which are not for me. For instance, I don't read fashion magazines because I am not the audience they are trying to reach. This isn't a value statement in either direction, more just a statement of fact. There is nothing in there for me, and therefor, they are, as a group, one less thing with which I must contend.

I am fully in charge of the choices I make in terms of beauty. If I am choosing things that make me hate my thighs, or my nose, or my life, it is not really about the things I am choosing, rather, my ability to choose good things.

If fashion magazines made me feel fabulous, if high heels made me feel powerful, then I would rock those things. But they don't. And what's more, their existence does not minimize my own.

There is no "right" or "correct" form of beauty for everyone. We all have the opportunity to surround ourselves with images that inspire, or images that denigrate. If you are making the choice to view beauty in a way that makes you feel ugly, you might want to re-consider your choice.

This is why I always think of Sailor. That guy was ridiculed for that jacket. He was, by society's standards a strange guy. But he didn't really care. He might not even have known. His mantra was all about individuality and personal freedom.

There is nothing more beautiful than a person who can rock who they are, stand out, and make no apologies. Whether or not they look like me, act like me, or listen to the same music as I do is immaterial. The beauty that is a unique expression of the human experience is what inspires me.

That is the beauty I choose.

What do you think of beauty standards? Do you care? Do you notice others who have taken on their own version, made their own standards? How easy do you find it, to be you, hairy arms and all?
Share if you think this will help. Like it, Tweet it, copy and paste it.
Also...if you haven't yet...head on over to A Love Rebellion. Lots of cool stuff there...videos, resources and ways to support The Rebellion!

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