I would go one step further than Mr. Jung. I would go so far as to posit that the moment you embrace your darkness, you are free. Free from fear, free from judgment, free from holding yourself back from life. The more you can embrace your filth as dear to you, the better able you are to embrace it in others. 

Conversely, judge your darkness, hate your self for it, and you will find yourself in a perfect position to do that to other people. It is a law of nature. If you do not accept yourself, you cannot accept another. In addition to the freedom that comes with embracing your scum, there is also another gigantic benefit.

Other people won't bother you. Imagine going through life not being annoyed by other people's habits, their lack of consideration, or their in-sensitivities. You will have better relationships. You will have more compassion for the struggles of others. You will know peace. 

I learned this lesson, if you can believe it, the hard way, over many painful years. I have a long history of struggle; I believed that it was the best way for me to move through the world, that I was more interesting for it. Much could be gained, I thought, if you engaged in a confrontational manner with the people around you. I am pretty sure, given the history of my parents, that this philosophy is genetic.

For roughly forty or so years, I struggled. I fought. I was amazingly self-righteous. I was this way with my boyfriends, my bosses, some of my co-workers, and very often, with my friends, though not as much of the time. The turning point was at a job with a person who I thought was causing me pain. 

For the six hundredth time, I found myself in a situation where I was just itching to get into a power struggle with one of my co-workers. This person had been bad-mouthing me, verbally threatening me, and acting out in ways that astonished me. Oh, how I wanted to fight back. How I wanted to show him that he couldn't do that to me!!  Who did he think he was, anyway? 

Fortunately for me, as I was thinking thoughts of vengeance and death by a thousand kicks to the shin, I checked in with my body. I was in knots. My breath was shallow. I felt awful. I realized that I had given him power over me, I had tied myself in knots myself, and I was mistakenly blaming him for my choice.

I thought for a while about why his behavior bothered me so much and I came to realize that part of it was because the stuff he was doing and saying about me activated my own questions about my self-worth. If I had been secure in myself and confident about who I was, the stuff he was doing and saying would not affect me. Ugh. The realization had the great effect of helping me forget about him, and the awful effect of having my awareness and focus turn suddenly on me. Was this really what I felt and thought about myself? 

Yes, it was. I had uncovered this cesspool of self-damning sludge, and I had no other choice but to stick my hands in and get messy. I mean, I was up to my armpits in stank. But you know what they say about smells? You get used to them. And the sludge and grime? Not so bad, really. I began to see that much of what I was judging myself for was not really all that horrible. I desperately needed to be right because for some reason, being wrong felt like death to me. I had such fear and anxiety over wrongness, I had put it in this box labeled "horrifying" and had never really explored it. I started considering that being wrong might not be such a horrible thing, and that admitting it to myself and others might free me from the responsibility of hiding it from people. 

As soon as I was able to come clean about my need to be right, to defend myself, to prove my correctness to the world, I was freed from it. I still struggled with my ego, but every time I was honest about it, and made these situations more about me, I gradually cared less about what others were doing. It was shocking the first time, how easy it was to let go, given my long battle history. But it was all I needed to convince myself that it was powerful enough to commit to.

Since that first time, I have found myself in situations where I have been forced to deal with my need to be the one who is "right". Each time, I am happy to report, it has gotten easier to let go, and easier to be okay with the possibility that I might be wrong. A couple of times, I didn't even think about it, I was just able to back off without even a pause.

This is freedom. This is what has brought me to the front steps of badass manor, key in hand. The knowledge that I can be wrong and it won't kill me has brought with it a calm that has improved every relationship in my life; most centrally the one with myself.

How easy is it for you to admit that you are wrong? Do you find yourself becoming defensive or tense in confrontations? What would it take for you to accept that you are not right? To accept that you don't have to win? That your value lies in your existence, not in the question of right or wrong?

It is huge, I know, but worth the effort. The benefits far outweigh the costs, and all you have to do is begin to consider it. Lift the lid on this possibility. You will get used to the smell, and before you know it, the sludge won't bother you either.

Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme, you come to the realization that your boss is a tool and it seems as though he has been put on this earth to destroy all of the joy in your life. You are definitely not the first person who has found herself in this situation. I myself could tell you some incredible and strange tales of my days under the thumbs of some People Who Act Strangely.

For many years, this appeared to be an unending and soul crushing theme of my existence. I had the uncanny ability to attract one boss (or co-worker) after another  who made my work life torturous and my social life include more and more alcohol as time passed. 

By the time I hit my early forties, I was desperate and beginning to think that I would never have a work life that I could tolerate, let alone love. I became known as the woman who always complained about her job. I was miserable, until one fateful evening over wine with a friend. We worked at the same place, but she did not have the problems that I had with work. She loved her job. (She's a boomer, so it goes without saying....) 

I was telling her my latest problem with one of my co-workers, going on and on about how wrong they were, how dishonest and manipulative they were and mid sentence she stopped me and asked me to consider what, in all the times I had complained to her about one work problem or another, was the commonality. What was the thread that ran through all of my stories of woe of pain at work? I thought for a while. It took a good fifteen minutes, if I remember correctly. She waited patiently while I mulled it over. Then, suddenly, it hit me like a kick in the gut. "Me?" I asked her, sheepishly. 

"Yes, you, you darling girl. You are your own worst enemy in these situations and you never see it." As painful as it was at the time, this was the beginning of me taking control of my work life and turning it into something I could love. Granted, it has taken me several years to perfect, but I can honestly say that I am a much happier employee than I used to be. I can also say that I could work just about anywhere and figure out how to enjoy it.

I discovered the secret to my success and while I would not by any means call it easy, it is a whole lot easier than what I was doing before, suffering, that is, at the hands of any fool I gave control to. The one thing that I always remember when dealing with People Who Act Strangely, (crappy bosses), is that it is never about me, and that these people are very often profoundly sad themselves or insecure about their abilities. How do I know this? Well, happy, secure people don't usually treat others badly. That is just physics.

1. When dealing with crappy bosses, many people will tell you that you are most likely going to have to "manage up." If you want to hold on to your sanity, for the love of all that is holy, do not do this. You will lose your soul in the attempt. The best approach to handling bosses who are in need of management is to leave them alone, kind of like a bear. Trying to please, talk to, or even feed the bear is ill advised because the bear will never appreciate it and will more often than not, become bored or angry and end up taking a swipe at you. What you can do is get what you need from your workplace (skills, good references, good working relationships with other people in your department or other departments), as quickly as possible, and leave with your soul intact. You did not take this job so that you could babysit a bear. Your job, no matter where or what it is should be used as a step to get to the next place. Get what you need and back away slowly with your head down. People who try to tame wild animals very often end up losing their heads.
2. Be intentional with your efforts at work. If you are dealing with a crappy boss, be strategic in how you are dealing with him and, as ever, take nothing personally. You do not always have to be right, you do not always have to voice your opinion, and you certainly do not have to engage in a power struggle over basically, nothing. It is very easy to slip into this mode without thinking about it, but really, you never really win when you try to argue with a bear. You also cannot mindlessly go through your day hoping that nothing bad will happen, hoping that your boss will not notice you, hoping that you will not have to endure another episode. Be proactive. Create the right situations for yourself by taking a hand in them. Taking control can mean as little as choosing what you bring to work with you. Your food, your clothes, your hair can all become topics of conversation and entertainment. Always look for the positive in any situation. Figure out how to solve problems before you are asked to. Do not revel in negativity. You can make yourself the go-to person if your perspective is toward problem-solving and not problem-making. Do not participate in gossip. It is destructive in all of its forms and distracts you from your goal: improving yourself.
3. Be direct. If your boss or other co-worker is doing things that upset you, it is best that you let them know in a non-threatening but direct manner what you need instead. This does not include sending an email or any other form of virtual communication. The best way that I have found is to set a time with this person, outside of an actual tense interaction that might have transpired between the two of you and let them know what you need. If you notice, I did not tell you to let them know how you feel. Work is not therapy and it is best not to get confused in this regard. Instead of dwelling on any trespass that may have occurred between you, sit down with your boss and ask for what you need instead. This will completely derail any call for defensive behavior that might ensue if you are dealing with a truly crappy boss. You can frame it like this: "I will be able to give you what you want faster if you direct me in XYZ manner." Or, you can frame it as a question. "Were you trying to get me to complete this project in XYZ way? It would help me if you gave me ABC information so that I am able to get you what you need more quickly." What I am saying is, make it a conversation, not an accusation. It will turn out better for everyone.
4. KEEP YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR. This item is pivotal and has saved me more times than I care to count. How does one keep their sense of humor at work? Well, I make sure that I have a lot of inside jokes to laugh about with myself. Inside jokes act as a kind of shield and very often deflect any bad juju from heading my way. For instance, in one situation, every time I had to enter a difficult person's office, I decided that I should be eating cake as I did so. It was my intention to see how long it would take for this person to notice. It was my own little social experiment, and it took all of the anxiety I had around talking to this person away. And, I got to eat cake on a pretty regular basis.  Another example I can give you is something I lovingly refer to as "The Jim Effect." Jim Halpert, the unsung hero of TV's The Office is my role model in this regard. He works for an idiot, he shares desk space with a freak, but somehow, through humor and creative use of jell-o, he makes what might otherwise be an intolerable work situation really quite enjoyable. As I am sure you have noticed, some people in the world take themselves very seriously. It is your responsibility, your right as a human, to lighten the mood. There is no force more powerful than laughter. Use it to your advantage and watch the hours fly by.
5. Create your own "happy space". This can take many forms. One thing I like to do is create a quote board for employees. This is a space where you hang funny and entertaining quotes made by your co-workers. While it sounds quite simple, the effect it has on the work space is profound. You get the opportunity to share funny moments with people who might not have been around to experience them, and in a sense, you are celebrating and revealing a bit of the people with whom you work. Another thing I have done recently is "Treat the Real World Like it is Facebook." I go around handing out articles of interest, "poking" people, "liking" them with a thumbs up, hanging up random pictures of myself on walls, and entering rooms, announcing mundane facts about my cat, and leaving. Everyone knows what you are doing because, well, it is facebook, and no one has to participate to be in on the joke. It is a perfect workplace activity because it infuses it with laughter.

Make room for yourself at work. Do not conform to a standard, do not become a sheep. The twenty-first century is no time to "tow the line." In all matters, you have to get the jump on crappy bosses before the fallout starts. If you come in with your intention, your desire to lighten the mood, and your desire to laugh before your boss has the opportunity to crush your soul, you can get what you need from your job every day and leave unscathed. 



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Quotable Wednesday finds me in a vendetta kinda mood. I am usually quite delightful to be around, quite inspiring, actually. But today, today, today. Today is another matter entirely. 

Today I realized that our beloved consumer culture, the culture that teaches us to feel like we are not enough, that trains us to want things in order to answer our deepest desires for peace and comfort, that practically brainwashes us into self-loathing, is also responsible for ruining our sex lives. 

I was ready to let all that other stuff slide, but after arriving at this realization, I know, deep down that I cannot, I will not settle. This, an aspect of life that is so precious, so full of hidden potential, so full of joy, is being robbed from us by the people who want to make money off of the fears that are based on nothing but what they have told us to believe.

Are you smellin' what I'm steppin' in? Well, I will lay it out. Here come the pearls, people. Getchyer buckets.

I grew up in a suburb of Chicago. I had it pretty good. Life wasn't perfect, but I had shoes on my feet, friends to play with, and a great big house in which to grow up. 

Then, I started dating. While my mother had given me several copies of Our Bodies Our Selves throughout my pre-pubescent and pubescent years, I still did not really understand sex that much, save what I saw in the Playboy magazines my older brothers had left behind in the attic. It turns out that sex is really one of those things that you have to experience to believe. 

Unfortunately, every time I found myself in an intimate situation with a boy, I was incredibly freaked out and embarrassed. Of my body. I mean, I didn't have big boobs! I had a belly! My shoulders were wider than my brother's! I was not perfect! How could I let anyone see me? 

Then, at about the age of nineteen, I had my first orgasm. It was not one I had produced myself, but one my boyfriend had inadvertently and quite painfully, (sorry about smashing your face, dude) helped me with. 

Something inside me clicked. I realized that, like sports, (which I loved and participated in as much as possible) sex was something I could do, something I could get better at, something I could focus on that would improve my entire life. Sex was something, I figured, that could build my confidence. I didn't realize it at the time, but this was a revolutionary thought. That my ability to have sex, to enjoy sex, to give pleasure, was something I could be proud of.

Since that time, I have always kept my body in good shape, for many reasons, really, but mostly, so I can have a long, healthy sex life. Yes, I like sex that much, and lucky for me, I had parents who modeled that behavior as well. I grew up in a couple of houses where sex was a healthy (and pretty much constant) fact of life. 

Body image has rarely been a problem for me because I see my body as functional, not ornamental. 

Enter our consumer culture. In the fabricated scenarios where you are being enticed to buy anything that is innately meaningless, men and women are basically hood ornaments. Reflective and perfectly molded things, beautiful, frozen forever, and placed delicately on the hood of a fantastic and unbelievably elegant car that is supposed to represent a perfect life. 

Humans are not ornaments. Humans are messy. We are loud. We are each uniquely crazy. Most of us smell badly, given enough time and attention. These qualities are what makes each one of us great. Yes, GREAT. We are not meant to be frozen and shiny. Our lives are not supposed to be perfect. 

The idea of perfection is what is keeping you from a great sex life. Sex is not about looking good, it is not about being shiny and perfect. It is about connection. It is about your animal nature. It is about letting go of all of that other meaningless stuff and being absolutely present. It is difficult to be so when you are worrying about your belly, your thighs, your butt. 

Though the powers that be have broken us down into parts to be scrutinized and and judged, we are best when we are operating as a whole. Don't worry about getting rock hard abs or buns of steel. Having those things will not help you enjoy your sex life any more, and spending countless hours in a dark and smelly gym when you could have been working on your relationship, well, it's a waste. Humans are at their greatest when they are whole, and you have greatness in you.

Where does your greatness lie? Well, frankly, I don't know you, so I can't tell you that. But I can tell you why I am great. And that, my friend, my badass in the making, is where you come in. If there is anything I can tell you, any wisdom I can impart, it is that no one else will see the greatness in you that you do not see yourself. They might see a glimmer, a bit of sparkle, maybe, but the amazing thing about where you are, no matter where that is, is that you are untapped and limitless potential.

The only thing keeping you from discovering it is your mistaken belief that it is not true. That, and your belief that someone else's idea of perfection is your ultimate goal.

Why should you spend your time and energy trying to reveal your greatness? What will you get in return? 

Well, for starters, you will get an amazing sex life. 

So, how do you do this? I actually have an answer for that. Start with one thing. Find one thing about you that you kinda like. Pick it up, look at it from all angles. How many benefits does this element, this one thing, provide? Celebrate all the ways this one thing kicks ass. 

Chances are, while you are deep into researching and celebrating why this one thing makes you great, you will stumble upon another. Do the same with that thing. Look at all the ways this related-to-the-first-great-thing-item is badass. Hold it in your heart. Sit with how awesome it is. 

Next, and this is the true challenge, find something about yourself that you don't like at all. Something that embarrasses you. Something that you would rather not admit to. Now celebrate this, love this, and recognize this as part of your greatness. Work at this. The power of this is unparalleled. The power of knowing your faults, embracing them, sitting with them, that opens doors. That lets in the light. That shit airs you out. Your faults are not meant to be a secret. They are your source of power. Go into them. They will tell you more about yourself than you could guess at. These things are the key to your potential. That is why the consumer culture uses them to manipulate you. Don't let them.

Take the power back. Take your sex life back. Take back your fears, your pain, your weakness. It is yours. Use it to transform and reveal how uniquely badass you are. 

I know this is challenging, that it is scary, and it might even feel like death. But, it is not. It is life. Life in a way that you were meant to live. You are not meant to be an ornament, my friend. You are meant for much better things.

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I have a big secret. It is not one I am necessarily embarrassed by, but it is not one I am particularly proud of, either. I am the person I used to make fun of. I am the happy, yoga-loving, healthy food eating, cheerful lady who walks down the street saying "hi" to strangers. I am a very different person than I was just five short years ago.
 
I used to be known as "Angry Sara." For people who have met me in the last couple of years, this seems unfathomable, but, there it is. I will paint you a picture:
 
When I was young, about 13, I began drinking for various reasons. In high school, I was in and out of in-school suspension and would start fights with people whom I couldn't possibly beat.  In college, I continued starting fights, but with anonymous guys in bars. I was famous for it for a while among my friends. 
 
After college, at about the age of 21, I started going to therapy. I also lost the ability to digest food. I had to eat macrobiotic meals for about a year to heal my body. At the age of 31, after 10 years of going to my Naturopath, she reported to me that when I first started treatment with her, one of my complaints was, "I feel like screaming and smashing things all of the time." Yes, and the truth was, I actually engaged in this behavior on occasion.
 
For years and years I struggled with this anger. In jobs, I found myself at odds with my managers, and my boyfriends were always a little stunned when I would suddenly decide I had had too much and leave the relationship in a rage. I was in and out of therapy with a little bit of improvement over the years, but by the time I was in my early forties, I had not come as far as I had hoped I would in the 20 years I had been therapizing.
 
It was at this time that my friend Terry, who had been suggesting energy work to me for weeks, and at whom I had been covertly rolling my eyes every time she mentioned it, seemed markedly different in attitude. Though she was going through a very stressful period at college, she seemed much more relaxed and joyful than usual, and I had to ask what was going on.  
 
"BodyTalk!" she shouted at me, in exasperation. That was the method of energy work that her practitioner, Sid Snider, been using. At that point, I had nothing at all to lose. I figured I had already spent thousands and thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours in therapy over the years, what would one appointment with the energy work lady cost me, more or less?
 
So, I went. From the moment I walked in to her office and shook her hand, I felt more calm. Sid has this remarkable quiet energy that is incredibly comforting to be around. You just trust her. We sat down and I told her about some of the things I was hoping to address; my anger, my acne, my digestion, and my burning subconscious desire to sabotage my best efforts at improving my life.

Sid explained BodyTalk by telling me that it is a way to sync communication systems in my body and clear emotional charge around past events and trauma. The work is completely noninvasive; I would basically lie down on a massage table fully clothed while she tapped into my body's systems. I could even nap if I wanted to! (I have actually dozed off a time or two, but I have never mentioned this.)
 
I hopped up on the massage table, and she started to work on me. As far as I could tell, she was picking up on my body's messages and responding to what it was asking for. Within a half hour it was over, and I walked out of her office feeling about twenty pounds lighter. I couldn't believe it. I didn't have to re-hash my childhood, my divorce, or my work issues. I felt happy!
 
Over the next several months, I continued going to see Sid and she would alternate between BodyTalk and Quick Pulse energy work. Quick Pulse removes anything that is getting in your way, be it physical symptoms, emotional symptoms, fear, worries or anxiety. Using Quick Pulse, Sid has cleared knee problems, hip problems, and the neck problems I had been having ever since my last car/bike accident. 

My dairy intolerance vanished. My acne disappeared. The stuff at work bothered me less and less. I was less reactive to stuff that for years had pushed my buttons and sent me over the edge. It was nothing short of a miracle, and I didn't have to go to a therapist's office every week, hash out all the emotional issues I was dealing with, and leave wondering if it was finally going to work. My body was energetically releasing my trauma and every aspect of my life was improving dramatically. My anger was vanishing.
 
Over the past four years, I have continued to go to Sid for help, and my life is in a place I never could have predicted. I am happy most of the time, and my anger is something that I feel and release, not something that drives me to sabotage my work, my relationships and my environment. At the end of every appointment, I thank her profusely, and she always has the same response: "you are the one doing all the work." 

What is most gratifying about this is that I am engaged in my life on a level that I never have been before, and the way I care for myself now, the attention I give to my own wellness has given me the space, time and desire to help others. This work has completely removed my self-sabotaging tendencies to such an extent that I now want to help people. It is truly miraculous.
 
That is why Sid is The Badass this week. Her work has changed a once cynical, angry woman into one who looks for and enjoys the beauty in life. She has quietly and patiently helped me turn my life into a work of art. 
 
In my blog, I write all the time of courage, heart, and honesty. I speak of engagement, and the gratitude. The reality is that if I had not gone to Sid, I would not have any of these things to the extent I do. Her work has truly transformed me. If you are looking to enjoy your life, to heal your trauma, to truly engage in your life, Sid Snider can help you do that. 
 
I owe my badass-edness to her, and for that, I will be forever grateful.


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Ever heard of Brittney Griner? I hadn't until just a few moments ago, as I was scouring the internet looking for something to move me. At first I thought this post might make this week a bit sports-heavy for some folks, but in sports, people find greatness, and Brittany Griner is truly great. 

If you play any type of sport, you know the focus and energy it takes to perform well, and the enjoyment you obtain through participation. Practicing and playing a sport gives you an opportunity for constant improvement. Constant improvement in any endeavor brings confidence, and the kind of confidence you get through sport? Well, words fail me. I suggest you try it. 

Brittney Griner is an exceptional human. Not because she is tall, or because she is an excellent basketball player. Not even because she is a Lesbian who came out at college while playing for a school that did not allow it. Griner is exceptional because she has found a way to be comfortable, even confident, in her own skin. She is a beauty, to be sure, and her skills on the court are unmatched. But you don't really understand her greatness until you hear her speak about her world view, what she is most proud of, and how hard she worked on herself so that she could move through the world with an open heart.

Brittney Griner is for the world.

After I read and listened to her interview on NPR, I went to Amazon and looked inside "In My Skin". The prologue knocked me out. The heart and compassion she has for the world is profound. What she has been through in order to get to where she is is nothing short of stunning. As a youth she went through painful, hard times due to her unique characteristics and abilities. She came out on the other side of it ready to heal humanity with her story.

Sports writer Dave Zirin compares her to LeBron James and Wilt Chamberlain. He says that she plays "with a kind of emancipated abandon." After reading the prologue in her book, I would have to say that she lives that way too. 

I have decided to read the rest of this book as soon as possible. Reading about people who have found strength through struggle helps me to be bold, because I have struggled enough to know that it is engagement with the struggle that saves. Many people give up, or close down. But we all have a choice. We can choose to shrivel up and blow away like discarded trash, or we can puff out our chests, smile at the sky, and live with emancipated abandon. 

Which sounds better to you?


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I read this quote on facebook yesterday. It was posted by a man with whom I was childhood friends. A man who, at the age of four or five, came over to our house with a baseball mitt and asked my twin brother and I to play. He had just moved in with his family across the street. It was the beginning of years and years of constant ball playing, and a lifetime of a love for the sport.

As I read this quote, memories of my childhood enveloped me. The long days of summer that began immediately after we shoveled hasty breakfasts down our throats. We played beneath the tall trees on our block which shielded us from the sun and housed the ever-present chirping cicadas. Some days, I only took off my mitt in order to eat a quick and meager lunch, and every day, headed back home, sadly, when the street lights came on. This quote quickly awakened me to the fact that that young boy, years ago, most likely changed my life forever.  

My twin, Josh, knew everything about baseball. He could quote the stats of any ball player, tell you who won every World Series and who the winning team beat, he could even tell you about the managers. He was the one who taught me about Jackie Robinson.

Jackie Robinson did not only change the game of baseball, he changed the world, many times over. He changed the world when he became the first athlete to win Varsity letters in four sports at UCLA, when he was court-martialed for objecting to racial discrimination while he was serving in the military, and most famously, when he pioneered the integration of baseball in 1947. Jackie Robinson understood his impact on the lives of others and behaved in a way that would benefit millions of people. He loved baseball. He loved winning. But his life was lived, quite consciously, in a way that benefited the world around him.

Jackie Robinson affected others by taking risks, by speaking up for others, and by putting his heart into everything he did. The man gave a shit. He engaged in his life in a way that provided a better world for him, yes, but he also gave us all a great gift. The gift of a life lived with courage and great love.

This is the definition of a badass. Frankly, I dare say, badass just might be too weak a word for him, but that is neither here nor there. What is important, and what I ask you now, is how are you going to fully engage in your life? What risks are you going to take in order to improve your world? Regardless of whether or not you impact millions, you will love the life you engage in, and you will miss out if you choose not to.



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Today has had the theme of gratitude running through it. It seems that every facebook post I read, every book I pick up, everywhere I turn, someone is talking about the importance of gratitude. Every time I turn around, someone is thanking me, or I am thanking them. I cannot escape it, so I am going to embrace it.

The image to the left is something of a tradition I have recently started. It is called a Gratitude Board. You have heard of the Vision Boards that are popular with the manifestation movement? This is my version. They work the same way, but from a different end of the equation.

A Vision Board, if I understand it correctly, is an item composed of pictures of your dreams and aspirations, which sends a message to the universe. It is supposed to be a powerful method of working toward your dreams.

A Gratitude Board, conversely, is an item which expresses your deepest gratitude for the people and things around you. Taking account of what you have and being thankful for all of it is an act of enoughness. Yes, I did just make up that word. That sometimes happens when you are a badass. When I am full of thanks, full of enoughness, I need nothing more. How could I with all of the amazing people I have in my life? The opportunities I have to breathe in the air, laugh with a friend, walk in my boots? It is all so much, much more than I could have asked for just five years ago.

You know that feeling, at night, when you are worried or stressed because you wish you had said something to someone, but hadn't? Maybe stuck up for yourself, or someone else, but didn't? That doesn't happen to me. It used to, all the time, but ever since I have started searching for gratitude, basically forcing myself into it, it has become much easier to understand who to choose. It is always me. 


That is how it starts. It starts with appreciating yourself, and not just the great parts. Not just my ass that is so perky people sit up and take notice, my diabolical sense of humor that keeps people laughing long after I have walked away, or my ability to throw a perfect spiral with a football. I also appreciate my mistakes, my ego, my self-righteousness that so often gets me into trouble. I sometimes say things that make people so uncomfortable, they are speechless, and not in a good way. I apologize to people all the time for the mistakes I make. I know that is part of me, and all that gives me opportunities to learn, day after day after day.

That is gratitude, and that is what leads to choosing yourself and taking care of yourself. Once you start being truly thankful for everything about you, you realize what you have, that stuff that no one can take from you. You start to guard it, to protect it, to understand how dire it is that you stand for it. You start to love it. 

The world is full of people who do not stand for themselves. Most often this is the precise reason they are hard on other people. They remind me daily how important it is, how absolutely imperative it is that I appreciate all of who I am. This is how I can be grateful for them when they treat me badly. They remind me how good I have it, and how important it is to recognize it. I am so lucky to have that practice, and in the end grateful to them for giving it to me.

How about you? Are you grateful for your filth? Grateful for your loathsomeness? I challenge you to try it. Being grateful for that stuff makes the other stuff, the fun stuff, a walk in the park, gratitude-wise. Pick something and see how it feels. It is not at all easy, but in the end, it liberates you. You wanna sleep better? Give it a try. Want to walk around with a smile on your face? Practice loving your crap. The more you do it, the more you will recognize things, people, and experiences that you have to be grateful for. 

Once you are grateful, there is no need for a Vision Board, because you see yourself as perfect. You realize that you are the Vision.

Like this? Share it, email it, tell others about it, or, if you are so inclined, leave a comment below and tell me! 

Thank you very much.

In honor of National Poetry Month, I give you a quote from wonderful poet and author, Erica Jong. I just read that her iconic book, Fear of Flying, is being made into a movie. Erica Jong is a revolutionary. She dared, forty plus years ago, to talk about sex and relationships in a frank and straightforward way that no one before her had. She broke barriers and became an icon in the process. She has been unflinchingly honest about herself and the larger world. Her perspective has added to the dialogue that is feminist discourse and our culture is better for it.

About the quote itself, it is an important observation and one that frees us to understand our own level of humanity. In my first post, I discussed the importance of pleasing oneself, and the importance of being very present during the act of sex. I did not go into why as much as I might have, so I will here. 

Sex is a creative act. It is a collaboration between two or more people which can result in self-discovery, waves of gratitude, and a feeling of connection that is not possible in many other areas of life. Being present while creating anything, including any type of sexual experience, is revolutionary because we live in a culture that is addicted to distraction. Many of us work all day, come home, sit on the couch, watch TV, or play video games, and wait for dinner. When dinner is ready, we eat, then return to the couch to be distracted until the end of the night. We might even find ourselves asleep on the couch and have to haul ourselves to bed many hours later. We are owned by our distractions. We miss out on our lives because of these distractions and that is by design. You will not find yourself in re-runs, Angry Birds, or the latest edition of People magazine.

Yes, this idea of owning your own body and your own voice is revolutionary, but I would like to clarify this concept. While I am all for fighting the good fight, attending to oneself and fomenting awareness should not be done to push against the dominant paradigm, but because we value ourselves and the people around us. Done, because after all, we should be able to hold our own interest. Because if we can't hold our own attention, if we don't take the time for ourselves, it is a ridiculous thing to expect others to do it. The greatest delight in this world is discovering who you are. Do not cheat yourself of it. Do not keep yourself from it. 

 The real value lies in the relationship. In the experience of interaction. The more you engage with yourself and with the people around you, really, actively engage, the more you are revealed. As more of you is revealed, you become aware of your humanity, of your flaws, of your courage, of your badass heart. On this day, the day of the creative revolutionary, I implore you: reveal yourself. Get comfortable with your weaknesses and your shortcomings. Put yourself in a position to encounter your strengths. It is sheer delight to get to know yourself in this way, and the people around you, if they are to do the same, need you to do it. Be the inspiration, the explorer, the captain of your own ship. Be the bright light that defines the world around you. This dark world needs more light, and you are just the person for the job.

Didja like this? Find it inspiring? SHARE it!  See what your buddies think!

Oh, how I hate dealing with overly-confident women. They seem to be everywhere! Always on line at the grocery store, sitting next to me at theaters, shopping at the bookstores I frequent, standing up tall and proud at Starbuck's, waiting for their Soy Triple Mocha Capp with No Foam. Inspiring me daily to be an even greater version of myself than I was the day before.....

I wish that were actually the case. Unfortunately, what I most often encounter are women who are overwhelmed with feelings of self-doubt, anxiety, low self-esteem and body image issues. It is basically an epidemic. 

We are all of us, men and women alike, raised in a culture which is geared toward consumption. Taught from an early age, both overtly and subliminally, that we are not enough, and that we should have what our neighbors have. We can feel better if we drink one more soda, buy one more car, or go on one more vacation to an exotic destination.

In the words of Uncle Noam: (Noam Chomsky)

It also doesn't hurt if the things we are buying in order to heal our souls put us deep in debt. The last time I went with a friend so that she could look at a car, the salespeople spent the majority of the time selling her a loan. It was like the car was a secondary concern. "Let's getcha into this fixed-rate 5 percenter! Isn't she sporty? Oh, that loan is you."

We are taught to be afraid of each other, to be afraid of anyone who appears to be different, and threatened by anyone who appears to have more, or, less. We are schooled about terrorists in far off places who are a threat to our way of life, of poor people who are so desperate that they will take the little bit of the world that we believe we own away, of immigrants who are here to take our jobs and opportunities. Us and them. Us and them. Us and them. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock.

This is all a rouse. We are more alike than we are different, but we are being manipulated to fear each other instead of help each other. In order to handle this constant fear-based messaging, we withdraw into our games, our reality TV, our entertainment. We are on auto-pilot; we are drones. After a while, everyone starts to look like a terrorist. 

But we are not drones, are we? The very reason this manipulation works on us is that we are all human, full of faults, jealousies, pain, fear, joy, hope, and passion. All we need to do is turn off the noise and listen. Turn off the radio in the background, the TV, the movies you play in your mind. Turn them off and listen to each other. Listen to ourselves. 

Our confidence, men and women alike, lies in our ability to connect with each other, and we are much better at that when we know ourselves. So do me a favor and breathe deeply. Do yourself a favor and look at the sky. Do your children a favor and turn off the phone. Get to know yourself. Get to know the people around you. Challenge yourself in some way every day, even if it is only for a minute or two. Challenge yourself to wake the fuck up.

It is through challenging ourselves that we find out who we really are. I challenge myself every day to slow down and listen to people, to not wait for my turn to talk, to find the value in the people around me. To identify with their faults and understand that on a very basic level, I share their weaknesses.

I would love to hear how you challenge yourself. What do you do to draw yourself out or to help other people do the same? Or, do you have a challenge for me? 

Let me know in the comments below.