Over the course of this past week, I have witnessed women attacking other women out of pain, and women lashing back, regarding under-representation and diversity at the women's march. It is so clear that we have all been hurt; that we all feel threatened. We all have pain. Some of us recognize our hand in our own pain and the pain of others, some of us do not. But this is never going to work, we will never find a way to peace if we all keep insisting that our pain, the pain that we have endured all our lives, is the most important. No progress will be made if we cannot sit, recognize and empathize with others regarding their pain.

But there is another side, and it is boundless. Today, I was walking to the Asian Market in the windy cold of Chicago to pick up some green tea. I am in town visiting my twin bro and I am drinking he and his wife out of house and home, tea-wise. On my way there, I saw this old dude digging through a garbage can. He was wearing a huge winter coat and shoes with no laces. His hair was a mangled mess. It is a sadly familiar scene in almost any city these days, I am guessing. Seconds later, another man who had been waiting at the bus stop 20 feet away appeared next to him and handed him a couple of bags of chips. The old guy looked at him as if he was blown away by this gesture, like he almost couldn't believe it was happening. He thanked him profusely and I think I even heard him bless the stranger.

As I walked by, I pulled a You Are Love card out of my pocket and handed it to the stranger who had given the chips to the old guy and was by this time, walking back to the bus stop. As I walked away, he yelled "Thank you!" after me and as I turned around to look back, he gave me a broad smile.

I felt like I could fly. It was such a tiny thing. Really, it was nothing, two bags of chips, and the smile on the face of a homeless man, but I had seen a glimmer of something, amidst all the pain and desperation that I had been feeling over the last few days that gave me hope. It shocked me back into humanity and reminded me that when we care for each other, it is enough. When we reach out to help, that is enough. When I saw that man give the old guy the chips, it was like all the other stuff melted away, and I remembered what I have been writing about constantly for the last couple of years; that in the end, love is what matters.

I ended last week's post with a statement; that we will learn, one way or another, if love is the answer to all this hatred and oppression. I think that it is time to start doing that hard work. It is becoming more and more challenging to reach out to people, but until we recognize that our differences are only skin deep, we will never know our true potential.

We must heal ourselves before we can heal the world, and part of that is really listening to each other and reaching out. This is when love can be scary. We have all been hurt in the asking for love or connection. I don't think anyone goes through life avoiding this experience. But owning up to our own hand in the pain of others and being present for them going forward is a commitment that we must make. 

We must commit to ourselves and each other. We have too many distractions, too much entertainment keeping us from doing this. Any time you are feeling bad, you can just turn on the TV, pick up your phone, or turn on the computer, and you don't have to feel. When you are sitting with your friend, relative, partner or spouse, you always have the ability to pick up your phone and start a conversation with another person. This happens all the time; two people sit in a restaurant, lie in a bed, or walk down the street, completely ignoring each other so that they can do the easy thing on the phone. There are so many things keeping us from focusing on the business of being human, but we must. We must turn off the TV, put down the phone, and find a way; not only because the growing disconnect between people is causing severe problems in society, but also because the best thing we can do is to connect and empathize with other humans. Connection between us and what that can provide is why we are here.

So, I have a suggestion for you: the next time you are in pain, or scared, ask yourself who you might be able to share it with. Ask yourself who might help you with it, and share your feelings with that person. The next time someone is acting angry or hateful, instead of condemning them, ask them what they need. Instead of pushing back with your anger and hate, offer them something different, something that shows that you see them and it is safe for them to be angry around you. Anger, like any emotion, is fleeting if you understand how to express it and have a good support system in which to do so. Anger can be transformative. But, if it is held on to, pushed down, and stoked, it can destroy your life.

We have not been taught to handle anger, not productively. The fear around it and what it might mean about our character is such that many of us have been taught to push it down or hide it. Not to mention that if you are an angry woman, or an angry minority, it casts great doubt over the quality of your sanity and well-being.

Showing your anger to someone requires trust. This is why you see so many people misplacing their anger on people who do not deserve it; it is because the person they are angry with in some way broke their trust, and they move forward not trusting that person enough to reveal that anger.

Anger is a secondary emotion, and usually is a reaction to fear, sadness, or some type of inflicted emotional pain. Sometimes it comes up long after an incident has occurred, or long after a series of experiences happen, but generally, it is about a feeling of powerlessness. The object is to find the emotion behind the anger, and figure out how to address it.

We have all felt angry at one point or another; we have been victimized, abused, powerless, or worse, maybe all our lives, maybe for short spurts, definitely for different reasons, but it is up to all of us to properly identify why and properly identify who is responsible. It is also up to us not to take it out on people who are not responsible. 

Being able to choose love is not easy. Everything around us tells us to be afraid. Everything around us is presented as a threat, and the pain we have endured for much of our lives hurts even more when others reject or diminish it.  But the more we turn away from each other and from ourselves, the less likely it is that we will have the strength to come back.

And we must come back.

I had this wonderful moment at a job a couple years ago, when my boss asked me if men are threatened by me at every place I work. He had noticed that a few of the men at the company he ran had been undermining me, trash talking me, and doing other things that would indicate that they felt threatened.

I was relieved, because I had not complained about this to him. I had learned over a period of many years in many jobs that complaining made me look bad. I had learned that when you walk around with a chip on your shoulder about how you are treated badly at work because you are a competent woman (and you won't play the game) you just do more damage to yourself rather than moving even an inch toward resolving the problem.

I was even more relieved to hear that my boss had never picked up even a hint of bitterness from me about it. If you are a woman, or part of any oppressed group, you most likely know what I mean. The world either punishes you or treats you like you are crazy when you complain, and when someone notices and reaches out, it is almost like you can breathe in again after having been under water for far too long.

The thing is though, he did nothing at all about it. I mean, besides congratulating me on not being driven insane by the treatment I was receiving, it was just kinda like, on to the next thing. The treatment still occurred. Nothing was done about it, though all the managers, (mostly women) including HR knew about it, and still, it was allowed to continue.

But this is not a new story. This is the story of every person who has been trampled on by a certain type of White Guy. Don't worry. This isn't going to be an angry rant. On the contrary. it is more of a celebration. I am not happy about what is happening on January 20th, but it is in a way, a coming clean. There can be no argument now. This is the country we live in. Hatred, oppression, and violence is allowed because they are rewarded, encouraged and supported at the highest levels. And the new dude in charge is that guy. He is that guy at work who is threatened by you because you don't play the game, you are competent, and you won't suck up to him, flirt with him, or agree with him just to get along. You will not behave as if he is better than you, because he is not, just as surely as you know that you are no better than anyone else. 

You see, this is the beginning. This is the beginning of the end. And I am sorry it took such a blatant disregard for humanity, hate crimes, ugly rants against women, Jews, Muslims, Native Americans, Mexicans, African Americans...and all others who are not power-hungry white males. It took this for those of us living in a world of our own delusioned making that we have to wake up and get to work. We have to turn this shit around, or it will bring all of us down. 

The unfortunate and somewhat disgusting piece of this is that we have to teach power-hungry, white males awareness. We have to teach them empathy. We have to ask them basically, as my favorite guru once wiselly said, to un-learn what they have learned. That it actually is okay to show emotion, that they do not have to have big muscles, or fast cars or tons of trophy girl friends to be considered a real man. We have to teach them that violence and war are in fact, NOT glorious. We have to teach them that they are needed, just as they are, no matter who that happens to be. 

Because it turns out that white males are not the group of humans who are immune to abuse, neglect, and all other forms of hate, they are the group that is unfortunately, still playing the game the rest of us have stopped playing. The powerful have now played such an obvious hand that millions of people across the globe are rising up in dissent. Millions of people across the globe are taking a stand. 

Millions of people across the globe have had enough and tomorrow, and every day after, they will be doing all they can to obstruct, object, and rebel against the powerful in any way they can. What brings me comfort is that we will finally see that  violence, hatred, and oppression will no longer be tolerated. 

We will see the proof that love is the only way out. I know this because if love is not what we choose as a collective, if love is not what we dissolve hate, fear, and oppression with, we will surely fail. This world will turn to ash as will the people in it. 

We will know, one way or another that love is the only thing that could have saved us. 

I hope it is because we finally decide to choose it. 

But either way, we will have proof.

I am working on a series of short manuals that I hope to publish on Amazon in E-format. I have been working on them on and off for weeks, but now, after what occured this morning at 130, I feel like I must pick up the pace. So, in order to do that, I thought I would post an excerpt from the first manual here, to give you a taste of the purpose and direction this will go.

This is but a small portion of the first manual. I am hoping to publish next week. Let me know what you think if you have the time and the inclination.

      ​I wish I could write you a fairy tale. I wish I could write you a story full of metaphor, with rich, interesting and tragically flawed characters from strange and wonderful lands which you could enter through your mind’s eye. I would do all this for you and more, if time were not short. But, this is where we have brought ourselves, to this edge of time and everything, and I fear we are all depending upon you.
I am sorry. I am sorry that so much has come to rest upon your shoulders, but unfortunately, for decades now, we adults have been botching up the works, taking our eye off the one vital ball while watching the ridiculous and meaningless occur on the sidelines. 
That is why I am writing this for you, because, as many generations of adults have done for far too long, we have put too much value on the wrong things, dear young people, so that you must now save this world. Well, that is overstating it. Actually, adults have always left it to young people to make the world a “better place” without much of a road map as to how to get there. So I have decided to draw one out for you, in words and pictures. 

A Little History.

It starts in school, I think. You are taught math, science, sociology, art and music if you are lucky, and of course history. In history you learn of brave and brilliant people who did heroic or not so heroic things that moved the narrative of humanity forward. You are expected to memorize dates, places, and cultural significance so you can accurately spit it out in the same cadence and order in which it was taught you.

Those are the things you are taught. But what do you learn?

You learn to raise your hand. You learn to behave. You learn to be organized, to "fit in". You learn how to be controllable. You learn how to behave. You learn that you must jump through hoops. You learn all the skills you need to be a good factory worker. The trouble is, all of the factories are in China now. Or other under developed countries. So, regurgetation isn't something that really pays all that well. 

Taking yet another step back, to consider what has propelled humanity forward, which is often revolt, or breaking with tradition, or being non-conformist, in a very controlled and oppressive setting like a classroom, is backwards. Sitting in a room, waiting your turn to speak your mind, getting points taken off for analytical thinking, being told your whole young life that good grades are the key to your success, well, it is setting you up to NOT be like any of those amazing people in the history books, because most of them broke with tradition in one way or another to do great things. In a certain way, this setting does give you something to rebel AGAINST, but it does not help the great majority of the population really explore and live up to their potential.

So we come to this point in our history where we are all very good at jumping through hoops. We are taught that in order to be okay, you must fit in, and if you do not fit in, you are wrong. So it starts in grade school, and it just gets worse from there.

What To Notice.

You have some background. I am not going to tell you to level a full-scale revolt in chapter one. No. That would be an outlandish request. What I am going to do is ask you to be aware. Look at how you are asked to spend your day. What you are required to do in order to "succeed." What, in your opinion, must you do in order to be rewarded? Most importantly, how are you taught to interact with your classmates? Are you set up to compete against them, or work with them? Are you taught to believe that the biggest, best looking, or strongest is "the best"? Just notice. And then think about if what you are being asked to do is really what is best for you, or, if it is best to maintain some type of control over you. Just notice. For now.

What comes Next.

In the following chapters, you will learn about how, very briefly, the world evolved by reading about:

• Popular Culture and The Media
• Military Action
• Food Production
• Education
• Health 
• Social Justice
• Governments across the world
• The Arts

Each section will be organized in this manner: what has been, what is, and what could be. What could be will be further divided into two segments: what will be if we keep going down this path, and what will be if there is a revolt of epic proportions.

These manuals will be short, roughly ten pages each, and full of sources for you to link to if you need more information. It is my hope that you will go to every place possible to find the source of the mess in which we now find ourselves.

That, my dear young heart, is it. This is the first manual in a series of many which will guide you toward a brighter future full of questioning authority, rebellion in one form or another, and yes, in the end, sticking it to the man. 

Because following the rules doesn't work if the ones making them use them to keep you down.

 I was standing on my mat, getting ready for yoga, reading everyone's shirts, checking out everyone's yoga pants, kind of absent mindedly judging, when it occurred to me that I had forgotten exactly what I had put on to do my yoga-ing. 

I looked down, and there it was, amidst the "NAMASTE"s, "Spiritual Gangser"s, "breathe in love"s, was mine, "DTF". I didn't know if the people wearing the other shirts walked their talk, but I was keenly aware that I certainly did.

It was at this moment that I realized that I had to create a whole line of shirts with sayings like, "Fuck off, I'm doing YOGA", and, "Iamonewithwhateverthefuck", and, "These yoga pants ain't gonna stare at themselves"

This is the stuff I think about in yoga, before class, when I am supposed to be "arriving." I think about ways to entertain myself. I think about things I can make. I think about ways to subvert whatever paradigm I happen to find myself operating within. Since I first felt the sweet satisfaction I derived from doing so, I have pushed hard against the norm.

It might be why I responded to the turning of the year with such vengeance. This is truly The Year of Revolution, and I will be doing everything I can to subvert the paradigm of oppression and exploitation of common people everywhere.

A few of the things I am doing will be legal. A few won't, but unfortunately, I feel like it has now come to where we must each ask ourselves what we are willing to sacrifice for the sake of the whole. I am willing to sacrifice everything I have, which, as luck would have it, is not that much. 

I am not willing to hurt people. I am not willing to destroy things. But I am willing to stand up and against a government which has been fucking people over for far too long. Even if that government, ESPECIALLY if that government, is my own.

I would rather, at this point, not feel sorry later for wanting to be safe. It is the first time in my life I have ever said or even thought that. I have always considered safety to be its own reward, you see, but in this case, I am not willing to sacrifice the well-being of others so that I can have a false sense of security. And at this point, I would say that any security anyone feels is indeed, false.

I didn't predict that this would be my path. I had no idea that the project I started on July 17, 2015 would bring me to a point where I could take no more. But I guess that is what happens. You start treating yourself better, start accepting yourself the way you are, start actually loving yourself, start only accepting the best for yourself, and this naturally bleeds onto other people. 

I never thought I would say this, after all my years in the retail and service industries, but I care a great deal about what is happening to people. I am pissed that there is talk of registering Muslims. I am horrified at the rolling back of laws created to protect people. I am stunned that so many are either blind to or unconcerned about this stuff. That people are willing to hunker down and endure the next four years when so many do not have that luxury. I am horrified that my tax dollars are going to pay for hate, murder, and exploitation.

I just can't. And I know I can't change people. I know I can't convince people to care, as I have just gone through a metamorphosis which took years to complete, I know I cannot snap my fingers and get other people to Declare Independence from the US government.

But I can very boldly state where I stand. I can say, as often as possible, I am not down with this. I will not go along with the registering of ANYONE. I will not stand by and watch as years of progress are flushed down the tubes in the name of giving more power and money to the rich, greedy, and stupid. I will not.

Which brings me back, as you might have guessed, to my Tshirt idea. The idea of wearing your belief or your strategy for life on your Tshirt is not new, and it is not really my idea. I mean, I love a good Tshirt, but a Tshirt, no matter how clever, is just a symbol. My idea is to be bold. To state my beliefs. To stand up for others. To not let those who wish to scare me, do so. Yeah, I might print up a few Tshirts, but in essence, what I am doing is boldly and unapologetically being myself, which so many people cannot do in this world. And I will also stand up for, encourage, and support anyone else who seeks to do such a thing. 

It doesn't seem that big, does it? To say, "I am going to go out into the world, and just be myself." But unfortunately, it is. Not doing enough, not voicing our outrage, participating in a system which has systematically oppressed and exploited people for centuries, it is stopping. I am turning away from this. I will turn away by writing about it, making art about it, and speaking out about it. Most importantly, I will try to be a role model. I will attempt to give people the courage to be themselves. 

The other part of this is turning towards what I DO want. Turning towards love, compassion, and acceptance. If other people can go out and commit hate crimes, I will commit crimes of love. I see no other way. What do crimes of love look like? Well, all I can say is, you will see. 

I wish I could do more. I wish I had the money, the connections, and the power to move mountains, but I do not. I am an artist and a writer, and all I can do is express.

Express my outrage, express my dissent, express my indignation, by expressing my love, my compassion, my kindness to every single person. 

I am a participant in the Love Revoution. As so many others are. And I have never participated in any more important movement. Never felt like anything I have ever done has mattered as much as this.