I was texting with one of my dates the other day, and we were discussing my strap on. I told him that I enjoyed pegging and asked if he would be interested. He replied that he would in no way want that kind of thing from a man, and if a man ever did it to him then it would be because he raped him, but with me, he would like to try it.
I wish I could say that I was surprised by this answer, but sadly, this is an answer I get all too often from men I know or date. I am not sure exactly what people think they gain when they take the position that this type of phobic rant illustrates, but I will tell you what I think this type of response does.
This type of rant tells me that you are afraid of your feelings. You are afraid of what they say about you, and also, afraid of how your social group will react to those feelings if they are acted upon. That is a micro environment effect.
In a macro environment, this non-acceptance of self creates a dissonance that results in sadness, anger, and in the end, hate speak/behavior. These feelings result in racism, sexism, homophobia, and every other type of fear/hate activity in which a group of people are marginalized or punished.
We are afraid of ourselves. We are afraid of what our emotions, desires, and drives say about us. We have forgotten that we are animals, and that nature knows better. This is why I write about my drives and my sexual nature. I know it is natural for me. I have accepted who I am, embraced what I once feared, and love myself for who I have become. I have experienced my own evolution from fearful to confident. The more of myself I accept, the more I transform, the more the world around me is a kinder place. Why? Because nothing outside of myself makes me doubt what is within me.
There is evidence of this type of reactive behavior between millions of different groups of people:
· Parents and non-parents
· Rich people and poor people
· Men and women
· People of color and Caucasians
· Gay people and straight people
· Meat eaters and vegetarians
· Christians and other religious groups
· Stay-at-home moms and professional women
· People from states or countries which share a border
· Young people and old people
This list is not exhaustive by any means, but it shows how easily people are judged due to perceived differences.
So when I hear a man speak this way, or read a text or something that professes this type of intolerance, I do the only thing I can do, I let them know how I feel. And given how I feel about my own sexuality, (awesome) you can bet that I also think what other’s non-harming sexual drives are. Hot. Amazing. Liberating. That is because I know that the more people feel free to be who they are on every level, including sexually, the happier they are. The kinder they are. That is hot. When a person can tell me that they are open to the possibilities? That they feel comfortable enough in their own skin to express their belief in individuality and personal freedom? I feel safe. I trust.
There is nothing more exciting or inspiring than being around people who accept themselves.
I texted the guy in question back and told him that I am not turned on by phobias, that in fact, I think it is hot when men feel comfortable enough to admit that there is an attraction for them to other men. I suggested that the forcefulness of his response might indicate that he was afraid to accept or look at something about himself that might be in need of attention.
His response? “You are probably right.”
You want to hook up with a sexually open woman? One who feels free to express their sexuality in whatever form and is unafraid to try new things? I am here to tell you, on behalf of sexually open women everywhere, accept yourself, no matter what. We think it’s hot.
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