Eloquent as Fuck
  • BLOG
  • ABOUT Sara
  • Portfolio
  • What I'm Doing NOW
  • BLOG
  • ABOUT Sara
  • Portfolio
  • What I'm Doing NOW

MY BLOG HAS MOVED!!
JUST CLICK HERE AND YOU CAN GO THERE.

Self-love and Exploration.

10/26/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
I think I might be sick of dating. I know. I have said this before, maybe more than a few times, probably as many as I have decided to quit facebook, but seriously, I am starting to wonder why I spend SO MUCH TIME doing something that is bringing me less and less joy as time goes by. 

I don't even get nervous on dates anymore, and I think it is starting to effect the experience. I was about to roll around in the sack with a guy the other week, and he was acting a bit odd, so I asked him if he was nervous, and he said, "yes, aren't you?" Frankly, I was not. I was actually, impatient.

I am not sure you are supposed to feel like that when you are about to have sex with someone for the first time. Or even the second.

Not long ago, I decided to emotionally cleanse my extra-curricular relationships. I felt like it was a lot to deal with, what with feelings having to be processed on a continuous basis. But I think I might have allowed the pendulum to swing too far in the other direction. Just like taking the fat out of food and being surprised when it is flavorless, taking the emotions out of sex has created a situation where sex is becoming more and more bland. 

I never thought I would see the day, frankly. I feel like I do at the end of many of my creative projects, like I learned something, and now I am waiting for the next thing. I finished this creative sexual project, so what is my next one? 

I know, saying that all the sex I am having is getting boring seems crazy, or like I don't understand how lucky I am to have so much. Well, that might be true. But, this is how I learn about myself. I push myself to limits before unknown to me, just like the crew on THE STARSHIP ENTERPRISE, and inso doing, I learn more about who I am as a person. Evidentally, I am not a person who likes sex without emotion. Galaxy discovered, explored, and recorded.

The thing I have to step back and appreciate though is that I have the freedom and the confidence to do this. I believe that I am allowed to have sex with whoever I want, whenever I want (as long as they are also willing,) and make no apologies. Many, many people all over the world cannot say the same, and in that way, I am lucky, but also, I have earned it. Which, if we lived in a perfect world, no one would have to do, we could all just do what we wanted without fear of judgement, discrimination, or punishment. But we live in a world, presently anyway, where those in power control us through fear. Some people are targeted more than others, to be sure, but none of us are encouraged by our society to be and love ourselves. 

This, in a very clear way, is what self-love can do. It can give you the confidence and the courage to be yourself, and in this judgmental, consumer-driven, patriarchal world, that is no easy feat. In fact, I often think of Shackleton's ad for men to go to Antarctica when I am attempting to persuade myself into self-love:

"Men wanted for hazardous journey. Low wages, bitter cold, long hours of complete darkness. Safe return doubtful. Honour and recognition in case of success."

I write about self-love a lot because my life has changed so much due to the self-love practice to which I have committed, because NOT being loving towards myself would be too fucking limiting. 

If I were constantly trying to "fit in" or "conform," my life would be so much smaller, I would be less happy, and way busier with even more boring shit than having sex with strangers. I hope I haven't lost you here. It is getting a little existential, I know, but I believe in the end, it will all be worth it. GET IT!?!?!  I love existential humor.

That is the thing about self love. It is hard as fuck, it takes constant vigilance. You will most likely fuck up a lot. But not doing it at this point feels to me like choosing to live in a cage, and nobody with a choice should have to do that. 

Self-love is not a destination, it is a hard-as-fuck journey that requires focus, courage, and humility. Some of the benefits are astounding, though the pitfalls can be quite harrowing. But it is a life worth living, to be certain, and I am happy to deal with the struggles that come with it, as long as it means I can also be free.

A mid-week blog post?
Well, what can I say, I had stuff on my mind.
Now that it is off, I can ask
​that you share this with your fellow humans.
They are indeed a worthy and fine bunch.

0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    A Love Rebellion.

    Picture
    Be a part of A Love Rebellion. Spread love, hope and compassion.

    Picture










    ​THE SELF LOVE WORKSHOP IS OPEN ON ETSY! Click here to go THERE.

    Artist Website

    Only the highlights from my creative life. Just click on the image.
    Picture

    Get your FREE confidence tips list here! Just sign up below.

    * indicates required
    Picture

    Most Popular

    • Cake Doesn't Give a Fuck
    • On Jealousy
    • Taking Risks
    • Surprising Yourself
    • What Would You Rather Be Doing?
    • What My Clothes Have Always Told Me.


    Support the Work.

    My work is supported by my readers. If you feel like you get something out of this every week, and you feel you are able, a $3 to $15 monthly subscription will help me bring you all the ass-kicking content possible. Thanks so much for your support.
    Support the Work.

    RSS Feed

    Archives

    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    October 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.