Oh, Tinder (Why I Won't Fuck You)
For the third time in a row in not even as many weeks, a date I set up on Tinder cancelled on me. For the record, I am not lamenting my life, where I get to have sex with whomever I want whenever I want. No. I am lamenting the game-like nature that is Tinder and most other virtual dating sites and what we are becoming.
Back in the olden days, (the nineties) I used THE NEWSPAPER to set up sexual interludes with mysterious strangers. There was a bit more danger to this, but, still, a well-worded ad for almost no money would garner plenty of fish in the barrel into which I could shoot. Just after the olden days or ADO (the new millenium) I used Craigslist personals to find people with whom I could blow off steam. This also served its purpose well, as is evidenced by my 20 Dates project.
Then, the future happened, and at first, it was awesome. OkCupid, Tinder, Plenty of Fish, Match, it seemed like all there was was opportunity to find someone with whom you could spend some intimate time. I would call this The Golden Age of Sexual Conquest, or TGASC. I had more options than I had time for, literally. It was truly wonderful in almost every way.
I fear however that the sexual pendulum has now swung a bit too far to the right. It has become so easy to find someone on-line, that when it comes to the real work of actually meeting someone and maybe talking with them, maybe finding a commonality or two, people are, more and more, unable to do this. Or, on the horrifying other end of the spectrum, they are treating the on-line dating sites like they are pizza delivery services, but for sex, assuming that any person who is DTF (Down to Fuck) is DTF with them.
We are losing our humanity to the machines, people. Judgement Day is here, but rather than a nuclear holocaust which the machines have thrust upon us, it is our reliance on them to build relationships for us, making us almost completely unable to interact and relate to each other. Don't believe me? Walk down the street and look at how many people are on their phones, either texting, FBing, or checking the latest Fantasy Football scores. Go to any eating establishment and look around. How many people in that place are looking at their phones, laptops or tablets instead of paying attention to the person they are with?
What's worse, I have become one of them. I used to see it as rude when a date would spend time on their phone, now, I date a man who is more often looking at his phone than anything else. A while back I started doing the same thing in retaliation, now, it is just what I do! I can't stop!!! I have been taken over by the Borg! I have been assimilated!
I just went to a very dark place there. Anyway, as of late, and this is the entirety of my point, I have been having text conversations with men on Tinder, and have started to notice a strange tendency for them to assume that because I am a healthy woman who wants to find someone to have sex with, that I will just have sex with anyone, and because we both like the way the other looks in a photo, that it is akin to a done deal, sexually speaking. When I go out of my way to explain that this is not the case, that I will require a sniff test at the very least, and frankly, some type of intellectual connection, they ghost on me. It is the most ridiculous thing, like they can't be bothered to speak with me before they fuck me. Like if they have to put any effort into it at all, it is not worth it.
I have found, in my widely varied sexual experiences, that sex with people with whom I have no real connection is just not as good. It just isn't. Of course, there is the one-night-stand scenario which can be quite something, but really, I have found that nothing that awesome ever comes from fucking a person with whom you have nothing in common. It ends up being quite depressing, actually.
I have said it before and I will say it again, I am a grown-ass woman and I have earned the right to be with a person who knows how to fuck me. If this person won't put in the effort to even talk to me? Get to know me? Hang a bit? Then fuck em'. And not in the good way.
This whole experience, the dating/casual sex experience I am describing, has inspired me to start a project when I forcefully and without regard separate myself from my technology at least once a day for several hours, maybe even for days at a time. I am not sure how that will help my sex life, but damn, I have to do something to save humaninty from The Borg. I might as well start there.
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