So I decided to read them. Holy crap. Learning from your pain? Breaking up with people? Getting screwed over by a drunk dude on a beach? Fuck. Where is the joy? Where is the wonderful? So much of my life is spent putting happy energy into the every day, I thought I might give you some tips on that stuff too; real quick like.
These are just examples of things I do. I am not suggesting that you do these exact things yourself, I am hoping that you will use them as a jumping-off point so that you might bring a little bit more wonderful into your everyday existence.
The Outside World:
- DMV: I have never seen a place more depressing than certain DMV offices I have had to spend hours of my life waiting in line, so I decided a couple years ago, (with a dear friend of mine), to combat that. We went to the salon in the nearby mall and got our hair did. But I did something just a bit extraordinary. I asked my stylist to make me look crazy, but not out-of-control crazy, I wanted to look INTENTIONALLY crazy. So she did my hair up in a huge beehive, (see above), and away I went. To the make-up counter. At Macy's. Where I asked the make-up lady to glob tons of purple on my face. Now, I have an ID that always provides entertainment whenever I am asked for it. It is literally the gift that will keep on giving...for roughly ten years.
- Parties you would rather not go to: I went to a work party once dressed as Thing 2. It was not a costume party. It was a party to which I would rather not have gone, with people with whom I had very little in common. So I figured, why not? Then we could talk about my costume, "Where's Thing 1?" "He ditched me for some weird-looking cat," and not about the absolutely nothing we might have otherwise talked about.
- Forced social interactions: There are times in your life when you absolutely have to do things that you do not want to do. The two bullet points above are good examples of that. There are also conversations that you know that you are going to have that you really wish you could avoid, but you can't. That is why I have come up with a list of responses to questions and statements that people say to me which seem completely ignorant. Yes, I am just about to make a list within a list. That is how much I love lists. Deal with it.
- When someone is asking you a question you feel is too invasive, or just inappropriate about your private life: "Alright buddy, this is a marathon, not a sprint. We'll get there." A reassuring pat on the shoulder helps when delivering this statement.
- When someone says something offensive to you or around you about your gender, hair, or ethnicity, (I mean, fill in the blank here, really): "It must be so hard for you to live among smart people with such a tiny intellect." Again, a reassuring pat on the shoulder will go along way here.
- When someone asks you to explain your reasoning behind a decision at work or anywhere else: I just pull a Mary Poppins and say, "First of all, I would like to make one thing QUITE CLEAR. I never explain anything." Then simply walk away. I also laugh, but that is entirely up to you.
- When people complain to me about not liking some of the things they have to do at work: I basically respond with, "I completely understand. For instance, you don't think I like sitting here, talking to you about this, do you?" The looks I get on that one are pretty wonderful.
- Make a quote board. Use black board paint or a wall with little pieces of hand-written wonder on them. Whenever anyone in the family says something funny or epic or just plain wonderful, write it down on the wall. The memory and the feeling will last longer and the people who were not there for it can share in your joy. Additionally, the person who said the original brilliant bit of wisdom will feel like a hero. You can also do this at work, but it is a very special work space that will allow this type of thing to occur.
- Hide notes around the house for the people you live with, telling them how awesome they are. Like making a love minefield. In towels, books, pots, couches. Hide love notes and watch it transform your life.
- Is your loved one away? Take naked selfies and text them, or, make a video, like the ones I make for my traveling loved one, and send it. This will make the homecoming all that much better. If you know what I mean. And I think you do. I have included a sample vid so you get the idea. I usually try to do rocking love songs so that he knows that he is special AND that I am funny.
A sample video:
- Do a Pretend The Real World is Facebook day. Bring a bit of virtual reality into the workplace by walking around "poking" people, "liking" them, hanging up pictures of yourself and your family on vacation on random walls, handing out articles to people and letting them know that you would like to have a discussion about that topic later that goes absolutely nowhere, and walk into rooms, announce random mundane things about your life, then come back later to see how many likes you get.
- Wear interactive clothing, like The Dress of Miss Fortune, which I created out of a thrift shop dress and quotes from ten famous twentieth century female authors and poets. I attached about 100 of these quotes to my dress with a needle and thread then walked around work asking everyone to pick a fortune. Nothing like watching someone's face as they read a Dorothy Parker quote.
- Have inter-office mail? Use it to send fan mail to the peeps you cherish at work. Anonymously. Tell them they are awesome, that they light up your day, that they make work seem less horrifying, or whatever. You pick the message and the magic it provides will speak for itself.