Every person must take on their own personal style, one which reflects their values, beliefs, and perspective. But no line works as well as, "Hey baby, I got a van."
Just kidding. Well, not really. That line has actually worked for me every time. Not that I have a van. But the point of this tip, and it is not at all ground breaking, is that laughter opens people up. Surprise someone with a ridiculous pick up line and your work is half done. Really.
If you are a man hitting on a woman, this particular line might come off as creepy, but I will tell you, try to make a dude laugh, and even if you fail, you will win respect. That is because you are risking, and everyone knows that risk takes real chutzpah.
Don't worry. This is not my simplistic and underwhelming theme for Execution. It is an example of the real answer to every question. The real subtext to every text you send. It is about Other Stuff. It is about how you get to YES.
So, there you are, you have the mindset, you have prepared, you are feeling great. You see a guy next to you at the bar, in the grocery line, or at Starbuck's and something about him whispers, "hottie". Suddenly all of that preparation goes out the door, followed almost immediately by your mindset. You start to sweat. You feel nauseous. You have completely lost your ability to form coherent sentences. You are cursing my name for having gotten you into this position.
First of all, remember, you are a woman, and you have the power. Soak that in for a moment. It is the truth. There are not many places in life where women hold the power, but this, my dearest, sweetest reader, is one of them. Let's say it together: "I am a woman and I have the power." Women have the power in this arena for several reasons:
- You are what straight men want. Most single straight dudes are single-mindedly focused on how to get a woman. If you do even a little bit of the work for them, they will be grateful, and gratitude goes a long way.
- You are changing the rules. Because men are single-mindedly focused on how to pick up chicks, they will be caught off guard when you make the move. Women never do this. Men know how hard it is to pick up people. They will completely understand how hard it was for you to do what you are doing. This will work to your advantage unless they scare easily and run away from you when you start speaking to them. In this case you are better off. Dudes who spook easily are generally not all that great in the sack.
- You are proving your value in the action you undertake. When you do the asking, you are taking control of the situation. You have taken yourself out of the role of the passive but hopeful individual and put yourself in the role of Woman of Action. What man wouldn't want a Woman of Action?
- You have the element of surprise. It is very rare that a woman tries to pick up a dude. In whatever situation you may find yourself in, if you attempt to pick up a dude, the element of surprise is on your side.
- You are providing a valuable service. In picking up dudes, women are providing a priceless service akin to free pizza delivery. He was hungry, he wanted food, and here it is; a warm, delicious meal in a box that he didn't even have to ask for! It might not be his favorite type of pizza, but it's pizza. It is free. He will most likely at least be tempted to take a bite.
Now that we are in agreement that you have the power, you might be asking, how do I wield this power without hurting people? How can I possibly handle the great responsibility that comes with this great power?
As the 80s band .38 Special once famously sang, "hold on loosely, but don't let go." Yes, it is all about letting go. It is all about allowing room for whatever is going to happen, to happen. It is easy to hope for a certain outcome when you are hitting on a dude, but it is best to let your expectations go before you begin this process. I will give you an example from my own life.
Recently, I went out to get a beer, alone. I was wearing my super cute power skirt, my awesome rain boots (because wearing boots is part of how I prepare), and a baseball cap. Basically, I set myself up to be a dude magnet. I went to a nearby bottleshop and bar, where lots of dudes hang out all the time. I got a beer and went and stood next to a dude who was also clearly alone.
I could tell by his in-house monogrammed beer stein that he was a regular and would want to talk about beer. So I stood next to him, taking pics of my beer, and just waited for him to ask me what I was drinking. I waited less than three minutes. At the five minute mark, I was going to ask him what he was drinking.
I had no idea of what would happen. I figured, at the very least, I would learn about beer. But I was basically just opening myself up to the possibility of meeting a new person. As Anne tells Lydia in the great movie The Fisher King, "Ya gotta ease up. Conversations have a life of their own." This is a truth that pays off every time when hitting on dudes. My biggest goal when hitting on a dude, well, actually when speaking to anyone, is to make them feel like they are the most interesting creature on earth. Every god damned word that falls from their lips is a miracle.
I am there to learn. I am there to take note of another being inhabiting this incredible world. I am there to find the magic in that person, to be curious, to be enlightened. Please do not misunderstand. This is not a false front. I am not pretending to be interested. I am putting myself in a position to appreciate another human being. I am there to consider a perspective different from my own, to get a different take on the human experience.
I knew I could ask him to come home with me not because I felt like he was interested enough in me, but because I knew that I was interested enough in him. We had to this point in the evening had a delightful conversation about music, beer, and women. He had proven himself to be a thoughtful, charming young man. I was not concerned with, "does he like me? does he think I'm pretty?" No. I was interested in if I liked him enough, if I thought his hands looked strong. If his smile was genuine.
That is the definition of embracing your power and the key to Picking up Dudes. Considering if someone is right for you, not hoping you are right for someone. Appreciating yourself, understanding your unique and wonderful traits, and truly knowing your value is what will help you choose well. Looking for greatness in others, for qualities that will enrich your life, for admirable qualities that impress you. Those are the people you choose.
Waiting for someone to choose you, to ask you, hoping that that person will be right for you is leaving too much up to fate. Take control of your destiny by valuing yourself enough to start picking up dudes. With every new person you meet, your world grows and your life expands. You have a much richer existence and you have a breadth of experiences that will help you choose more wisely for yourself.
So go out and find people. Start having conversations. Open yourself up to possibility. Let go of the "happily ever after" mindset and become the curious and interested person you are. You will find that Picking up Dudes is not only great for picking up dudes, but it is also a great way to stand in awe of the world in which you live. To breathe in the depth and the breadth of life, to stand and righteously take in all the world has to offer, that is an existence worthy of you.
Execution is all about approach. It is all about setting up the proper dynamic for yourself. It is all about understanding that first and foremost, the dude has to be right for you.
I challenge you to go out into the world and start talking to people. Become interested in the world. Find out what makes other people tick. Have conversations that may or may not lead to you getting a date.
The whole reason we are here is to connect with each other, and not doing this is depriving yourself of one of the best things about human existence. Picking up Dudes is just an extension of that. Go. Do it.