Eloquent as Fuck
  • BLOG
  • ABOUT Sara
  • Portfolio
  • What I'm Doing NOW
  • BLOG
  • ABOUT Sara
  • Portfolio
  • What I'm Doing NOW

MY BLOG HAS MOVED!!
JUST CLICK HERE AND YOU CAN GO THERE.

How To

4/19/2019

2 Comments

 
Picture
There are days that wake me from my sound body. They get going before I do and call back to me to shake a leg and move into the bright. I ramble in and bump around between the hours, hands in the deep pockets of my overalls, feeling my way through the flowers and the herbs, the house, the work. On these days, I don't know if I am in a waking slumber or a sleeping consciousness, but as I move through and within this dream, I feel out my life.
 
I have been quietly counting minutes, raindrops, and clicks of the key board. I count steps. I count bags of tea. I count the birds that visit me in my places and immediately forget the numbers, because after all, they don't really add up, not to anything of substance but a life passing by.

As I go through my days, I consider whether I am spending my time or passing it. I engage as actively as I can, then release the engagement within a terrified wonder. Am I deciding to die or to live? Have I brought the life I have always wanted to me, or just thrown it away? I am in between everything that is this and that, and as I move through, I carry an ache within me that is almost unbearable. 

There is great joy too, but this is always tied to events, accomplishments, and experiences. I am striving for a sustain. I am reaching for something that is not dependent upon an action, but on an awareness. I am looking for more than a safe place to keep my things, I am looking for a container for a life of value. 

As I plan for the lock for my front door, I bask in the irony of keeping safe all of that which for so long lived comfortably packed away in a basement. I consider tossing it all to keep my home sparse, or at least, free of things that for so long have not mattered enough to consider. I ruminate on the objects I want to live with and around, and at how much joy I will feel at being in a home that feels exactly like me. I used to believe that I could know myself through all the things I use to fill space in my life, but this proved to be a hollow knowledge. Later, I thought, I could better understand myself through interactions and reactions within stressful situations, but this whittled me down to my bones.

In the end, I hope I to recognize myself over and over, within the experiences and events that will make up my life. I will float on within the days that pull or push me through and open myself up to what might come my way. I will listen to the breath rattling within me, feel the heart pumping the blood that rushes, and smell the stink of furious engagement.

And I will continue to ask, "how can I know myself?"


2 Comments
John Bisceglia
4/23/2019 12:33:25 pm

Wishing you the best, dear friend. At this point in my life I feel as if the entire world is just a large lending library. As you know I own almost nothing, through both choices and some profound losses, and now see everything and everyone as wonderful gifts that I get to enjoy for moments until they disappear. I personally feel freedom in owning nothing, and even if I lost the only things I still own (bass and electric piano) I would not care, since I've lost them so many times before (had to sell gear to survive). That saying of the less you own the less you have to worry about feels right to me.

Reply
Sara link
4/24/2019 11:08:56 am

Hi John,

thank you so much for the comment. It was so great to see you. When you get back, let me know and we can have tea in my garden.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    A Love Rebellion.

    Picture
    Be a part of A Love Rebellion. Spread love, hope and compassion.

    Picture










    ​THE SELF LOVE WORKSHOP IS OPEN ON ETSY! Click here to go THERE.

    Artist Website

    Only the highlights from my creative life. Just click on the image.
    Picture

    Get your FREE confidence tips list here! Just sign up below.

    * indicates required
    Picture

    Most Popular

    • Cake Doesn't Give a Fuck
    • On Jealousy
    • Taking Risks
    • Surprising Yourself
    • What Would You Rather Be Doing?
    • What My Clothes Have Always Told Me.


    Support the Work.

    My work is supported by my readers. If you feel like you get something out of this every week, and you feel you are able, a $3 to $15 monthly subscription will help me bring you all the ass-kicking content possible. Thanks so much for your support.
    Support the Work.

    RSS Feed

    Archives

    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    October 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.