Eight Things I Know About Sex.

I have been dating a lot lately. I mean A LOT. What an adventure. I have been meeting really great people, having fun, and learning astonishing things about myself. One of the young men I have been dating told me that there are some ways that I am different than other women, differences that he appreciates immensely. So I thought I might lay some knowledge down so that other people might benefit from the fruits of my, um.....labors.  I am going to tell you up front, my advice will enter meekly and exit with a thunderclap, so if you are not up for some straight-up talk about sex and dating, just don't read this. I really don't want to offend anyone.

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1. Be prepared for anything. When you go out on a date, even if you don't expect to have sex, please bring a condom. Or, do like I do; bring several. I am addressing women here. Every man I have ever known has carried condoms with him. But women, come on. Bring them. This is why: When you are planning on having sex and you want to do it safely, condoms will keep you from ruining the rest of your sex life with the most seemingly honorable of men. Herpes is forever and AIDS kills. Conversely, let's say it is a surprise sexual situation. This is when you REALLY need a condom. Why? Because surprise sex is usually unplanned, and very often with someone you might not know that well. You might only know this person because he shares your love of tequila and Motorhead. You might have ended up passed out on the same couch. It doesn't matter. Surprise sex is sexy because it is dangerous, it is spur of the moment. It is hot because there is an element of the unknown. BUT, you will enjoy it more if you are not worrying for the next month or so about whether or not you have some type of disease. Sex is to be enjoyed. Do not ruin it with anxiety or worry. It is a waste.
2. This is really like 1.a), but I am going to go with 2 because it flows better. Prepare your body for the type of sex that you want to have. I know, this is a bit of a touchy subject, pubic hair, but really, it needn't be. It is actually quite simple. If you want a man to go down on you, you want to make your down on you as lovely and wonderful and welcoming as possible. Why? because you want him down there. If possible, for hours. Ask him how he likes it if you want him down there. You are not giving away your power, you are receiving. If possible, for hours.
3. When you are out on your date, listen. This person, whether you like it or not, has been put in front of you for a reason. If you can find out by the time the date is over, you have just turned your date into something more. You have used it to catalyze growth, and that is something we can all use. Do not write your date off too early. Very often we do that out of fear or pain or madness, and we are missing out on something that could be truly great. Even if it is just that they know a good VW mechanic and your beetle happens to be in need of repair, there is always a reason. Usually it is much less mundane, but if you look hard enough, you will see it.
4. Exit strategy. This is one of my favorites. I am a big fan of leaving, and you should practice doing so if at any moment you get that "not so fly feeling" about your date. Wherever you go, whatever you do, figure out a good way to leave ahead of time. Sometimes, you just don't feel right about a person and the best way to remedy that is to flee. Always have an exit strategy. Find out where you are going before hand. Make sure you can get home from there. Make sure at least one friend knows where you are going (this is a first date scenario.) You will be able to relax more on your date if your date happens to be amazing, which they very often are.
5. Dating is not a competitive sport. When your date is looking at other men/women/animals, it is because it is a basic human impulse that is much like breathing. Asking a person who likes to look at men/women/animals to stop is like asking them to breathe less. You might as well just sit on their chest and ask "what are you thinking?", and expect them to respond, "only of you, darling." Instead of feeling threatened, you might consider taking an interest yourself. People are beautiful. They are in many cases, fucking amazing, and when you are out among them, not paying attention to them is like ignoring 95% of the goodness in the world. In addition, you are being supportive of your date as a person. That is the kind of thing that pays off big over time.
6. Don't go if you don't really want to be there. Sound logical? Almost scientific? Well, it is. It is physics. No one as of yet can be in two places at once, so when you go on your date, be there. Put down your phone for the duration of your date. It is a compliment to the person sitting across from you if you are actually focusing on them. Unless someone is DYING, do not take a call on a date. If you are expecting an important, life-or-death call, make sure your date knows that beforehand. It is ridiculous to be sitting across the table from someone, walking down the street with someone, or even eating ice cream with someone whilst sending/receiving texts or phone calls with a whole other person. FOCUS!!! Be here now, motherfucker.
7. Be clear about what you want and you don't want. Do not string people along. If you are not into someone, just tell them. If you only want casual sex, just let them know. If you meet them and instantly know there will be no chemistry, break it to them gently, but break it to them. If you love someone, tell them. If you like someone, communicate that. This is another one of those things that seems logical, but it is not. You must know yourself and what your needs are to communicate them well, so get into that practice. Dating is much more fun when you are dating with a purpose. It is even better when you are not lying about that purpose or otherwise keeping it to yourself due to shyness. Live that shit out loud, baby. Connection with another through honest communication is the gateway to bliss.
8. If you want to have sex, have it. It is an opportunity. Much like any interaction between two people, it can serve you. I am going to try not to get too flowery here, but sex is a way to explore yourself. It is a way to express yourself. It is an experience where giving and receiving openly is what is on the table. Let yourself go and enjoy it. Don't worry about your thighs, your abs, or your ass. Do not dissect yourself in this manner because sex requires all of you; your wits, your skin, your head, your wrists, your laugh if you allow it; every-bit-all-together-in-todo. Shame, guilt, doubt? Leave those at the door. Sex is sacred and should be treated as such.

So, there you have it. Eight things I know about sex. They will be appearing in my upcoming book, Date Like a Badass. It is going to be epic.

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*Editors note: AIDS does not kill. HIV is not the same as AIDS and you can live a long life on ARVs. (Antiretroviral drug). It is still not worth taking the chance. Wrap it up.